


What I Dream

by violetsolace



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mattress Store, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 11:10:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetsolace/pseuds/violetsolace
Summary: ...What I do and what I dream include thee, as the wine must taste of its own grapesAKAChris owns a Mattress store





	What I Dream

**Author's Note:**

> For Rose and anyone else who wanted 12k of chanlix  
> This took me three months to write.  
> It's the first thing I've written in a year and was inspired by the following conversation:  
> Me: he's so tired though he probably just lies there  
> O: chan's a pillow prince  
> Me: LOL that sounds like he's a mattress king  
> Me: au idea chan owns a mattress store  
> O: Write It

There’s something ironic, Chris thinks, that everyone in the greater Tri-state area knows him as the Mattress King (‘he’ll get you a bed that’s soft and springs!’) of Royal Rest considering he can’t remember the last time he had a full night’s sleep. The path of is life has been unpredictable to say the least: moving from Australia to Korea to pursue music, moving from Korea to America when that didn’t work out, and then settling there and opening a mattress store of all things.

In the nine years he’s lived in New York, Chris has gone from a broke college student and musician to owner of a successful mattress and bedding store. He still doesn’t know how it happened. He’d stumbled into the job really, starting off as a salesman at a store that has long since closed down, but that job gave him the jump off to open his own store. He used to wonder what would’ve happened if he had kept pursuing music, often beat himself up at night for not pushing harder to reach those childhood dreams, but then somewhere along the way he found himself actually enjoying his business and feeling pride in his store and its success.

Now, his job mostly consists of filling out paperwork but he still works as a salesman voluntarily about three times a week. It forces him to leave the house and feels more productive than sitting in his office. If it wasn’t for his friends he’d probably spend even more of his time inside but whenever he considers staying at home for more than a day he hears Minho’s voice telling him he’s whiter than a sheet of paper. Besides, he genuinely enjoys being involved in sales, he likes helping people and he likes knowing that he’s giving people the one thing he can’t give himself: a good night’s rest.

Speaking of rest, he’d gotten almost none last night and had finally decided to call Woojin to come over as he knows it’s his day off. Sometimes Chris is overwhelmed with gratitude that he’d met Woojin and they’d somehow managed to become friends, and then there were times like. Woojin has only been in his house for an hour and Chris is already regretting inviting him over. Scratch that. He’s regretting the whole eight years of their friendship.

“You’re not getting any younger, Chan,” Woojin says, setting his cup down on the coffee table. He always insisted on calling Chris by his Korean name, claiming he was just trying to remind them both of ‘home.’ Chris always had to bite his tongue to stop himself from reminding Woojin that he was Australian and that Woojin himself was an American citizen who’d lived in Tampa for twenty years before they’d met. “Why won’t you let me set you up? Just this once: go on this one date and I won’t try and set you up ever again.”

Chris hums sceptically, leaning back in his chair and squinting sleepy-eyed at the ceiling. He knows Woojin means well and if he’s honest with himself he is lonely. What could it hurt? “Tell me about him then.” The surprised look on Woojin’s face is almost worth the dread Chris feels at the prospect of being set up.

“Well, his name is Felix, he’s twenty-four,” Chris cringes slightly at that. Though a four year age gap isn’t that big he still feels old just thinking about it. “He’s a dancer, works with Minho. I’ve met him a few times when Minho’s invited him out. He’s really sweet, funny too; Minho thinks you two would be a great match. Oh, and he’s Australian too!”

“I’m not gonna get along with him just ‘cause he’s Australian,” Chris says, trying to hide his interest at the prospect of meeting a fellow Aussie. In his time in America he’s only met a handful and he’s kept in contact with exactly none of them. He doesn’t visit home that often either. He misses his parents and siblings, but they’re all adults now with busy lives and balancing a social life and his hobbies while running Royal Rest only allows him to visit home about once a year.

Woojin rolls his eyes. “I know that, dumbass, but I think you two would actually be compatible. So does Minho, fuck, even Jisung suggested we set you two up,” Woojin’s using what Jisung has fondly dubbed his Mom Voice. (The one he uses when he’s trying to convince you of something because he knows what’s best for you.) The most annoying part is he’s almost always right. “I just want you to be happy, Channie,” he adds in a much softer voice and Chris melts.

“Fine, give me his number.”

 

After getting Felix’s number and arranging the basics of their first date Chris had started to panic. Not enough to count as a full on meltdown but enough that he’d let slip to Jisung that it had been so long since he’d had a date he didn’t even know what to wear. Jisung had immediately invited himself over and somehow roped Changbin into it too, claiming that Changbin is nothing if not fashionable. Chris can’t really disagree. Despite his gym rat nature, Changbin does dress pretty well.

“I haven’t worn that in years.” Chris says as he eyes the shirt Jisung’s thrown on the bed next to him like it might come alive and eat him as revenge for neglecting it.

“You also haven’t had sex in years. It’s time to try new things, or, try things you’ve already done… Again… I guess.” Jisung’s voice is muffled from where his head is stuffed in Chris’s closet.

“Smooth.” Changbin snorts. Jisung reaches a hand behind himself to flip him off. “We’re going to make you so sexy, Chris, trust me,” Changbin adds, getting up from his comfortable spot on Chris’s bed to help Jisung root through the pile of barely worn clothing.

“I’m not sexy already?” he pouts.

“Sadly, you are,” Jisung sighs like the words bring him great pain, “but we can make you sexier.”

“Why am I friends with you two again?”

“Because you love us,” they say at the same time and then high-five with a triumphant shriek. Chris shivers; it’s eerie how in sync they can be.

An hour and an obscene amount of outfits later, Chris is close to giving up and he decides that if this outfit isn’t good enough for Tweedledum and Tweedledumber out there then he may as well give up and resign himself to dying alone. There’s an animal shelter nearby, he could pick up a dog or even a cat, maybe both. They’d keep him company in his old age.

Jisung gasps when Chris emerges from his en-suite, hands flying up to clutch his chest.

“You’re so fucking dramatic,” Changbin rolls his eyes.

“It’s my God given right as a bisexual to be this dramatic.” Jisung says in an insistent yet sober tone. He spends far too much time with Minho.

“Shut up, Jisung.”

“You’re oppressing me, personally.”

“Hell yeah I am-”

“Guys please!” Chris’s distressed voice cuts through their banter and he winces at how whiny he sounds. “Does this look okay?”

“Chris,” Jisung’s tone is serious as his eyes roam intently over Chris’s body, “if you weren’t like an older brother, slash, father, slash, cool uncle to me I’d be begging for your dick right now.”

“That’s so graphic,” Changbin says, though expression of disgust morphs into a genuine smile when he turns to Chris. “But he’s right, you look great.”

*

Chris and Felix had set up a dinner date at a high class but comfortable restaurant Chris insisted he would pay for. He’d felt confident while texting Felix, exchanging some simple small talk before deciding to save most of the talking for their date. Now, however, as he approaches the restaurant Chris can’t help but feel but feel nervous to the point of nausea. He’s not sure whether it’s because in twenty eight years he’s only been in three relationships or because he slept for maybe five hours the night before or maybe it’s because even from the grainy picture that Woojin had shown him he could tell Felix is gorgeous. He can still hear Jisung’s irritating voice in his head “Chris, get your jaw off the floor before you start drooling!”

He’s hoping to get there early so he has some time to soothe his nerves before Felix gets there. The last date he went on was about four years ago, God, has it really been that long? If Chris remembers correctly, his date got a booty call from their ex about thirty minutes in and left in a rush, throwing some cash and an insincere apology over their shoulder on their way out. Woojin had been extremely apologetic for months afterwards and Chris hasn’t let himself be talked into being set up since. It seems luck is not on his side as he approaches the restaurant and finds a well-dressed man with a head of platinum blonde hair walking towards him.

“Felix?” Chris can hear how nervous his voice sounds and prays that Felix can’t.

“Uh, yeah, are you Chris?” Felix smiles radiantly when Chris nods and Chris swears his heart stops for a second. Felix is wearing makeup, dark eyeliner and shimmery eyeshadow that glimmers under the streetlamps. Chris feels underdressed even in his painstakingly chosen outfit. “Awesome, it’s so nice to meet you, Woojin’s told me so much about you!” he says all in one breath and it dawns on Chris that Felix might be just as nervous as he is, bringing a smile to his face.

“Shall we go inside?” Chris says and holds the door open, heart fluttering when Felix laughs and steps through the doorway.

“What a gentleman.” Felix’s grin is cheeky but his eyes sparkle with something fond and Chris can’t help but feed off his confidence.

“Of course, how else am I supposed to sweep you off your feet?” Felix scrunches his nose, clearly cringing but he’s still laughing so Chris considers it a win. A waiter greets them and leads them to their table, Chris rushing ahead to pull Felix’s chair out for him. The embarrassment is worth the blush on Felix’s cheeks and his shy smile as he sits down. Fuck. He’s so pretty. Chris knew he’d be pretty but this is almost too much for him, he’s not used to dates or boys as charming as this and he’s panicking again.

“Chris?” Felix says softly and he realises he’s staring at him from across the table. He laughs nervously and looks down at the menu. “So,” Felix says after a moment “What’s good here?”

“Everything,” Chris says without thinking and then laughs at himself. “I eat like a pig really, I’d probably eat anything you put in front of me.”

“Me too,” Felix says, grin back on his pretty face, as he pours himself a cup of complimentary water. “I have a big sweet tooth but I’ll eat anything, one time in college me and my roommate tried to make pancakes and totally burnt them, I didn’t even care,” he takes a pause to laugh at himself, “I just dumped a fuckload of cream and syrup on them and ate them anyway.” Chris laughs along too and just like that they’re sharing stories, only pausing their conversation to order food and drinks. Talking to Felix is so easy and Woojin was right about him being funny, Chris hasn’t laughed this hard since Jisung accidentally dyed his hair bright orange and complained for weeks about looking like a fucking Cheeto. Eventually their conversation turns to their shared homeland and to their mutual delight they discover that they’re both from Sydney and even used to visit many of the same places (“Did you ever go to the, the, uh, pool place?” “Where you go down the escalator?” “Yeah!”  “Fuck yeah! My friends and I were always there,”) and the anxiety Chris felt before their date has slipped away, replaced by a gentle, thrumming exhilaration.

They share a desert and Chris is pretty sure his ears turn bright red when Felix insists on feeding him. They’ve just finished talking about Felix’s dance career (he’s so passionate when he’s talking about dance and Chris is endeared by his enthusiasm not just in dance but in everything he talks about) and how it led him to meeting Minho when he asks, “So what do you do exactly? Woojin never actually told me.” Chris looks away and rubs the back of his neck. For all his pride in his business Chris still feels a degree of embarrassment telling people about it.

“Uh,” he chuckles at his own awkwardness, “You know the, uh, the Royal Rest? The mattress store?” with a mouth full of cake, Felix nods. “I own it.”

Felix chokes on his cake and swallows it down with some difficulty. Chris is about to ask if he’s okay when he opens his mouth again, “oh my God. I’m on a date with the fucking mattress king of Manhattan.” The image of his store’s viral advert- starring a cartoon King that looks a lot like him- springs to mind and he laughs at the memory of being dubbed the ‘Mattress King’ by the various social media platforms  that had latched onto it. Chris was wrong earlier, this is the hardest he’s ever laughed and he can feel something warm bubbling in his chest as Felix laughs with him.

 

By the end of the night they’re parting with promises to see each other again soon and if Chris feels butterflies in his stomach when Felix kisses his cheek then that’s no one’s business but his own.

*

Woojin is overjoyed when Chris tells him he’s going to see Felix again. “I told you so,” he says as Chris throws freshly-chopped vegetables into the pot Woojin is stirring. His proud smile takes the bite out of his gloating.

“Fucking die already,” Jisung’s loud voice comes from the couch, followed by his cheering and Changbin’s exaggerated cursing.

“You suck at games, babe.” Woojin shouts. Then there’s a shattering sound and Minho is darting from the kitchen to make sure none of his kitschy, cat-themed knick-knacks is broken. 

“I’m not sure what to do though, I mean, I can’t just ask him to dinner again.” Chris tells Woojin, trying to ignore the video game noises and Changbin and Jisung’s yells in the background.

“You could take him to see that new horror movie,” Minho says around a mouthful of one of Changbin’s power bars as he shuffles back into the kitchen, “Y’know, the one with the doll.”

Changbin pipes up from the other room, “Dude, ‘Lix is almost as a big a pussy as Jisung. He’d have a heart attack watching that.” They collectively ignore Jisung’s offended hollering. He can’t really argue with Changbin because they’ve known him for too long. Chris has seen him get scared by his own reflection. More than once.

“Don’t be dumb, babe,” Minho calls back at Changbin before turning to Chris again, “That’s the whole point.” His waggling eyebrows and catlike grin are infuriating and terrifying, far scarier than any horror movie Chris can think of.

“Yeah,” Woojin joins in, grin not as terrifying as Minho’s but equally as irritating, “if Felix is scared then Channie here can protect him.”

Oh. Chris likes the sound of that.

 

“Hey!” Felix is practically bouncing when Chris greets him outside the theater. He’s not wearing any makeup this time but he’s still so pretty. His big eyes are shiny and his smile is excited and Chris feels dizzy knowing it’s aimed at him.

“Hey there,” Chris says back, taking Felix’s hand and kissing it. Felix lets out a sound halfway between a laugh and a squeal; wordlessly he intertwines their fingers and leads them inside. Chris feels his ears and cheeks going hot and cringes thinking about how red his face must be right now. He’s suddenly grateful they’ll be in the dark for the next few hours because he’s pretty sure he’s going to blush like a schoolgirl every time Felix touches him and that’s going to be a problem if he’s supposed to be ‘protecting’ him from the on-screen horror.

Felix picks out a metric fuckton of candy from the concession stand and Chris insists on paying for it. He has to work for it too, literally having to wrestle it out of Felix’s hands and race him to the counter to pay for it. (Felix had pouted until Chris handed him an oversized bag of gummy bears.)

By the time they’re seated the previews are almost over, thank God, those are always so boring to sit through and they take so long and the last thing Chris needs right now is more time to overthink his brilliant plan to ‘comfort’ Felix during the film. The movie starts and Chris is admittedly not very scared. The characters and plot are generic enough that he can see the jump scares from a mile away. Felix however clearly is frightened; one hand is tightly holding his bag of gummy bears and the other is gripping their shared armrest as he shakes in his seat. Carefully, Chris takes Felix’s hand in his. He didn’t notice before how small they were and wow, Felix’s petite hand fits so well in his larger palm. Pushing down the cliché thought that, like their hands, they might fit together perfectly, he leans over and whispers, “You okay?”

Felix jolts, a quiet squeak leaving his lips and Chris is torn between guilt and amusement. Bottom lip trapped in his teeth, Felix looks at him for a moment before shaking his head. Before Chris can even do anything an ear-splitting scream on screen has Felix shooting out of his seat and diving into Chris’s arms, his breathing shaky and rapid. Chris’s heart is beating just as fast but he’s sure that has more to do with the cute boy in his lap. Felix is shivering harder than before and Chris runs a soothing hand over his back, the other coming up to gently tuck Felix’s head into his neck.

 “Scaredy cat,” he whispers in Felix’s ear.

“Fuck off,” Felix whispers back and gently slaps Chris’s arm and when Felix pulls back to look at him he can see his smile even in the dim light. Focused entirely on Felix’s smile, he doesn’t notice the him leaning in until their lips are already pressed together. Using the hand on Felix’s back to pull him closer, Chris lets himself melt into Felix. Soft and slightly dry strands of hair tangle between his fingers as he runs them through Felix’s platinum hair and delicate hands come up to frame his face. Oh God. For someone nearing thirty Chris has barely made out with anyone and this is definitely his first time making out in a public place. The closest he’d ever gotten was kissing someone at a school dance but that was barely a peck and also over ten years ago. What if he’s bad? Can Felix tell he’s totally out of his depth? When their mouths open and Felix relaxes into him completely, his worries melt away.

 

Midnight finds them walking to Felix’s apartment building, joined hands swinging between them. Chris insisted on walking Felix home (less out of chivalry and more out of wanting to spend more time with him) and the bright smile hasn’t left Felix’s lips since they left the theater. When they reach his building they turn to face each other, hands still clasped.

“I had a great time,” Felix says, deep voice soft, almost shy. Chris grins.

“Me too.” He reaches out with his free hand, smoothing down Felix’s messy hair. A little thrill runs through him knowing he’s responsible for the wayward strands sticking up from his fluffy hair.

“I’ll see you soon?” Felix asks, his wide brown eyes reflecting the glow of the streetlamps. Chris thinks he sees hope in them.

“Very soon.”

They part with another kiss and Chris is smiling (so hard it hurts) the whole way home.

*

“You’re so embarrassing,” Felix whines, pushing Chris’s face away, “you’re tacky and lame and I’m dumping you.” Chris’s dramatic serenade is interrupted by his own laughter. It’s nearing eleven at night and they’re in Chris’s car, parked in a KFC parking lot. Felix had texted Chris with a craving for fried chicken and despite the headache he’d been nursing from a day of overwhelmingly boring and difficult paperwork and the time it would take him to drive to Felix’s and back again he’d immediately seized the opportunity to spend some time with him.

What he’d expected to be a brief encounter had turned into about twenty minutes of actual eating followed by nearly two hours of talking. Felix is so easy to talk to and Chris doesn’t want to jinx anything by speaking too soon, but he can totally see this becoming something long term, serious. They’d been listening to music, or rather Chris had thrown on the one of his playlists and when ’Talk’ by Khalid had come on he’d begun obnoxiously singing the lyrics in Felix’s faux-disgusted face. As sappy as it is Chris has always wanted to serenade someone for real but he hasn’t sung for anyone other than himself in nearly ten years so this’ll probably be the closest he gets to ever doing it.

Loudly and obnoxiously Chris begins to heave fake sobs over the rejection of his serenade. Felix laughs and then, so as not to be outdone, begins fake crying even louder and more obnoxiously than Chris which has them devolving back into cackling. Felix takes the lull in conversation as an opportunity to lean over and hug him. It’s a bit awkward in the car but Chris definitely isn’t complaining and he drops a kiss to Felix’s head. He’d never say it out loud but there’s something perfect, he thinks, about the way Felix fits in his arms.

“Let me play something better,” Felix says and he pulls out of Chris’s embrace before Chris can protest that hey! His music taste isn’t bad! Felix has hooked his phone up to the car speakers and is blasting a Korean girl group that he’s definitely heard before as a side effect of spending too much time with Minho.

Felix flings the door open and hops out to dance. Chris doesn’t know the choreography but he’s pretty sure Felix is doing it right, at the very least his enthusiasm makes up for anything he might be getting wrong. There are people walking to their cars nearby, some of them staring, but Felix either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. Chris thinks he might be in love with him.

“You’re pretty good,” Chris says through giggles, his and Felix’s laughter bounces around the near empty parking lot.

“Thanks,” Felix pants out, “now c’mon!” Before Chris can protest Felix has pulled him out of the car to dance with him. Chris is not a dancer by any means and he doesn’t know the steps at all. If he can’t impress Felix with surprise talent then he’ll have to settle for making him laugh with his spectacular ‘cool uncle’ moves.

“Sick moves, old man.”

“Yeah? Think I could give you a run for your money.” Chris says, certain he looks absolutely ridiculous and even more certain that as long as Felix is laughing, he doesn’t care.

“Oh totally, I’m shaking in my tap shoes!”

“You can tap dance?”

Felix cackles, breaking out into a frantic jig and Chris is laughing so hard it hurts. He has to stop his own impressively awful dancing to wipe the tears from his eyes as he watches Felix’s enthusiastic flailing.

“You sure you’re a dancer?”

“Fuck off,” Felix swats at his shoulder playfully, squeezing his arm after he’s landed a few gentle slaps. Only when an employee exits the front door and starts heading towards them do they stop; Felix bumps his head on the doorframe as he flings himself back into the car and Chris snorts but quickly grows concerned as Felix holds his head with the hand not trying to buckle his seatbelt and wails an impressive string of curse words.

“You okay there?” Chris says, leaning over to buckle it for him.

“I’m dying Chris.” Felix whines, but he’s laughing now and he cackles even harder when he meets Chris’s concerned gaze.

Felix’s shrieking laughter rings in Chris’s ears as they finally pull out of the parking lot.

*

“So,” Felix says, cocky grin on his sweet face as he walks around the empty store, “this is your kingdom, huh?”

Chris is pretty sure they’ve started officially dating now. They haven’t really put a label on it yet, but Chris knows they’re exclusive and their dates have shifted from exclusively public settings to just hanging out in Chris’s apartment. They still go out to restaurants and movies, which always end with an argument over who’s paying. (Chris always wins. Around their fifth date he started kissing away Felix’s pout.) Chris won’t say it out loud for fear of coming on too strong but these have been some of the happiest months he’s had in years. When they’ve been hanging out Felix has started asking if he can come and see the store after it’s closed (“So you can really show me around!”) and Chris has been putting it off, his pride in his store battling his embarrassment over the fact that, as Felix puts it, he’s the fucking mattress king of Manhattan. His pride finally won. Well his pride, his inability to say no to Felix and the promise of getting to watch Felix’s next dance practice in exchange for showing him the most expensive mattresses in the store.

“Yeah,” he pulls Felix in and kisses him, “wanna be my Prince?”

“Cheesy,” Felix giggles before pressing more kisses to his lips and cheeks. “So, Mr Mattress King, bring me to your best mattress!”

Chris laughs and leads Felix over to the most expensive mattress in the store. Its official name is the Super King Size Deluxe Special Edition, but Chris and his employees just call it The Big Motherfucker. Felix cackles, delighted, when Chris tells him this. It’s a custom made luxury mattress. The customer who ordered it decided at the last minute that they didn’t want it so the manufacturers had given it to Royal Rest for a generously discounted price. For display reasons it has a plain but tastefully patterned sheet on it and for protective reasons it has a plastic sheet underneath. Chris will never forget the time a sticky fingered child had spilled chocolate milk on a Super King Size mattress. While he’d reassured the parents that hey, it’s fine, accidents happen, he’ll be on his deathbed before he forgets the cost and stress of getting a thousand dollar mattress professionally cleaned.

“Wow,” Felix says, sitting and tossing his bag to the side, “this is fucking huge. It’d take up half my apartment.” He flops back, bouncing slightly. Chris just laughs like he always does when Felix is around; he’s just so cute Chris can’t control the joy that bubbles in his chest whenever they’re together. When Felix leans over the side of the bed Chris is distracted by the slight curve of his slim body. His teeth dig into his bottom lip. With every date the tension between them has risen to something more palpable and Chris is simultaneously excited and nervous. Taking that next step with Felix is always in the back of his mind but an ugly feeling claws at his gut when he thinks about his own inexperience. At twenty-eight years old and he’s only had sex four times (and two of those were technically the same time) and he thinks death might be preferable to admitting that to Felix. Chris is snapped out of his reverie by a gasp and when Felix sits back up, oversized price tag in hand, he laughs harder.

“This is worth like, three months’ rent for me- should I even be sitting on this? I don’t think broke bitches are allowed to touch stuff this expensive!” a teasing tone slips into the shock in his voice and Chris grins.

“Aw, damn, here I was hoping I’d talk you into buying it.”

“That’s the real reason you finally let me see the store isn’t it?” Felix cries and Chris can’t stop the ugly laugh that bubbles out of him, “You were just hoping to make a sale!”

“Yep, you caught me; I’m just trying to take your money.” This time when Felix gasps dramatically Chris cups his face and kisses him, slow and soft.

Getting lost in Felix is something Chris thinks he’ll never get enough of. The way Felix’s lips are eager and insistent but gentle, the way he sighs when Chris’s hands grip his sides and pull him closer, the way he moans so softly when their tongues brush. He can feel an aching heat pooling in his stomach.

“Don’t you think,” Felix says into his mouth, pulling away to breathe, “We should take this baby for a test run?” Chris laughs breathlessly, pulling Felix down on top of him and kissing him again.

 

Near pathetic moans leave Chris’s mouth as Felix moves on his cock, fucking himself in slow, deep thrusts. The way Felix is riding him makes Chris feel like he’s the one getting fucked and the low, rough groans pouring from his lover’s lips push him to fuck up into Felix’s tight hole. Felix is ethereal like this: overhead lights framing his blonde hair like a halo, tan skin glowing, droplets of sweat rolling down his neck and onto his collarbones. Chris leans up to lick them off. Felix moans louder, arms wrapping around Chris’s shoulders to hold him close and Chris bites his pretty neck then soothes the skin with his tongue. Desperate hands pull him up into a kiss and his name is whispered against his lips in a deep moan. I’m in love, he thinks, before Felix is going tight around him, chanting his name and then all thought is gone.

*

After battling multiple ethical dilemmas at once Chris decides the best course of action is to change the sheets on the bed himself (the thought of his employees seeing the cum and lube stains on the sheets and asking questions is mortifying) and just… sell it like normal.

What he doesn’t factor in is how every time he looks at the mattress in the days after his thoughts turn to Felix. His sounds, his soft skin and even softer lips, his hands his eyes his- Chris has to stop that train of thought before it goes too far and he finds himself hard in the middle of his store. Even thinking about that makes his stomach lurch in embarrassment.

It’s another day where he’s decided to work the shop floor and despite a relatively slow start by noon he’s having a good sales day. He’s already sold a king sized bed to an older couple who told him they just were thrilled to buy such a luxurious bed after twenty years using a ratty, second-hand mattress they’d gotten from their in-laws, a race car bed to a mother with an absolutely precious little girl who called him ‘Mister Mattress’ and an almost obscene amount of bed linens to a middle aged woman whose face said “don’t ask me about it.”

Two pm is the time at which Chris makes a drastic, life altering, decision. Okay maybe he’s exaggerating but he feels he’s allowed to be dramatic all things considered. From across the shop floor Chris sees one of his employees, Hyunjin (one of his best salespeople. He’s lanky and pretty with a soft charm that always persuades customers to buy something) next to the Super King Size Deluxe Special Edition: The Big Motherfucker, a clearly wealthy couple standing next to him. He watches Hyunjin’s broad gestures and bright smile and even from afar he can tell the couple are enamoured. Whether it’s with Hyunjin or the mattress doesn’t matter, if customers fall in love with the salesman they fall in love with what they’re being sold. It seems like they’re getting close to wrapping up the sale, the couple nodding repeatedly as Hyunjin grins at them, hand clasped.

Chris isn’t sure what pushes him to do it, whether it’s his inner turmoil at selling a mattress he’s had sex on or whether it’s his inner romantic being sentimental over the fact that it’s the first place he and Felix had made love (Felix had laughed at him and teased him when he’d called it that but Chris couldn’t bring himself to call it ‘fucking,’ to him it had felt like making love) but before he even realises what he’s doing he’s next to Hyunjin and his customers.

“I’m so sorry,” his voice comes out in an apologetic rush, “but this mattress has been sold already.” The couple looks disappointed and Hyunjin looks confused so Chris adds quickly, “But I’m sure Hyunjin here would be more than happy to show you some of our other super king sized beds, perhaps the King Alexander?” It’s one of their most popular beds amongst wealthy couples; the name alone is half the selling point. Hyunjin’s confusion lifts, replaced with a smile and the couple already look intrigued, following Hyunjin over to the King Alexanders further along the wall. Chris breathes a sigh of relief and for the first time that day allows himself to think about Felix.

 

It’s almost closing time when Chris calls him, the afternoon summer sun casting a glow over the store as Chris sits on The Big Motherfucker and dials Felix’s number. He picks up almost immediately.

“Hi love,” Felix says in his deep, cheerful voice.

“Babe, you have to take the mattress we m- fucked on.”

“Chris, I can’t afford that-“

“It’s my store; I’m giving it to you for free. I can’t sell it anymore.” Chris doesn’t mention that he did, in fact, try to sell it. “I can deliver it tonight.”

“So I’m getting a free mattress? A mattress for free? You think you’re my sugar daddy now or something?” before Chris can say that wasn’t his intention and he’s so sorry if he offended him in some way the other Felix says, “I’m blowing you later.”

Wait. “What?” Chris is equal parts pleased and surprised.

“I’m gonna blow you later. Shit, gotta go love, food’s burning. Text me when you’re on your way!” with that he hangs up, leaving Chris stunned, buzzing with muted arousal.

 

True to his word once the delivery men have delivered the mattress and complimentary custom bedframe to Felix’s apartment and gone, Felix pushes Chris onto the new mattress and gets his pants off in record time.

Chris glances around the room as Felix licks up his half hard cock, jerking it to full hardness. Felix wasn’t kidding when he said the mattress would take up half of his one room apartment. There really isn’t much there, a small doorway just to the side of the top of the mattress leads to a closed door that Felix had said was his pantry, to the left is a closet-sized kitchen and to the right is a the bathroom. In the room there’s a desk next to the windows, a laptop and some knick-knacks are perched on top as well as a pile of albums, several boxes with colourful but indiscernible contents stacked next to it. Against the wall opposite the mattress there’s a couch facing an old TV and to the other side of the mattress is what Chris assumes is the closet. Like Felix said, it’s kind of a hole, complete with peeling paint poorly concealed by posters of girl groups and suspicious ceiling stains covered by the sort of glow in the dark star stickers Chris remembers seeing in his childhood.

“Hey!” Chris yelps as he’s brought out of his thoughts by a pinch to his thigh, “pay attention to me.” Felix pouts and oh god he’s so cute. Even with one hand jerking Chris’s cock he’s still so cute.

“Sorry,” Chris smiles sheepishly and Felix gets back to work bobbing his head, losing himself in pleasing Chris. He reaches a hand down and brushes his thumb over Felix’s freckled cheeks, then his lips, before tangling his fingers in Felix’s soft, blonde hair. He’s beautiful. It’s not the first time Chris has thought this and he’s sure it won’t be the last, but when Felix stops sucking to thank him he realises that unlike the other times he’s actually said it out loud.

“So good baby, you feel so good.” Felix moans around his cock and then Chris can’t stop the words from falling out of his mouth. He knows he’s babbling like an idiot but if the moans Felix makes around his cock and the hand he reaches down to his touch himself with are anything to go by he likes it. His mouth is hot, wet and tight and Chris lets his head fall back against the pillow, unable keep his eyes open anymore.

Later, when they’re both sleepy and sated and Felix is settled snuggly in his arms, sound asleep, sleep finds Chris faster than it has in years.

*

Sunlight streams through the gaps in the thin white curtains and dances across Felix’s face. Chris can’t help staring at his freckles. He wants to kiss every single freckle on Felix’s face, on his whole body (but he keeps that to himself, unsure whether Felix would like that.)

Laying in Felix’s bed with a bowl of strawberries between them, Chris feels a bone-deep contentment. He’s been sleeping a lot better now that he’s been spending the night at Felix’s more. It must be the mattress. He shouldn’t be so surprised, as ‘comfort’ is about ninety percent of the sales pitch involved in selling mattresses, but he didn’t know one of them really would be a miracle cure for insomnia.

Felix picks up another strawberry but instead of putting it in his own mouth he reaches over and brushes it against Chris’s lips. It’s little things like this that make it so hard for Chris to not fall for him completely. He smiles before wrapping his lips around the strawberry, placing a gentle kiss on Felix’s fingertips when it’s wholly in his mouth. A giggle slips between Felix’s pretty lips and Chris decides to return the favour, warmth filling his chest when Felix munches on the berry he offers him. He’s so cute. They continue to trade berries back and forth like that. Felix boops Chris’s nose with a strawberry and giggles when Chris flinches back, pulling a face. Closely, he watches as Felix’s lips wrap around the last strawberry, the largest, taking it down to the stem. His lips brush Chris’s fingertips and he feels a shock of heat flare in his stomach as he remembers how Felix’s lips looked wrapped around another part of him.

“Y’know, Mum called the other day,” Felix says, “I told her I’ve been seeing someone.”

“Yeah?” Chris can feel the goofy grin that stretches across his face. He probably looks stupid but he can’t even care. Felix told his mum about them! Felix is telling people about them! That has to mean he’s important to Felix. The thought makes him giddy.

“Yeah,” Felix says, “I miss her a lot, my Dad and sisters too.” He sighs, a soft yet sad smile playing on his lips, “I wish I had the money to go back home more often, been living here five years and I’ve only been back twice...” he trails off, his face flushing, “Sorry, I shouldn’t complain.” He takes the now empty plate of strawberries and moves it to the floor.

He still calls Australia ‘home’, something Chris stopped doing around his fifth year of living here (when Royal Rest started to take off and he stopped looking to the past bitterly and started enjoying the present, planning for the future) and it hurts his heart to hear the homesickness in Felix’s voice or the longing on his face whenever he talks about his family.

“Next time I go back, I’ll take you with me,” Chris says, whispering even the near silence of the room, afraid to break the moment. What if it’s too soon to say that? If Felix is freaked he’ll play it off as a joke but now all he can think of is introducing Felix to his family and he wants it so bad.

“Really?” Felix whispers back.

“Yeah,” he brushes Felix’s hair behind his ear. It’s starting to get long, and something in his chest tightens when Felix leans into his palm. He moves in close and smiles as Felix’s lips form a pout, a silent plea for a kiss. Chris doesn’t kiss him though, just rests their foreheads together and breathes in deeply. He wants to breathe in this moment, breathe in Felix and hold that breath for as long as possible because irrational as it may be he’s afraid they’ll never have a moment like this again. Felix’s sleepy eyes blink open and lock with his, a gentle smile gracing his lips as he wraps his fingers around Chris’s wrist and holds it there. This time when he puckers his lips Chris kisses him and forgets about everything but Felix; he does his best to forget even to breathe.

*

Excitement bubbles in Chris’s stomach as he enters the dance studio. He’s been here before to watch Minho practice of course, but he hasn’t been since before Felix joined.

Chris bumps into most of Minho’s dance troupe leaving the building just as he enters, smiling and nodding at them as they pass. They’re always so friendly every time he sees them and he feels bad he only remembers a few of their names.

In the studio Minho and Felix are sat facing each other, slightly sweaty and breathing heavily. Minho and Felix have a duet and a solo each along with a group performance with the whole troupe. Chris remembers Woojin and Changbin’s proud smiles when Minho had told them, they’re so proud of their boyfriend and his career even when it’s taken him halfway across the world on some tour. Chris has always been proud of his friend but it wasn’t the same glowing pride that he could see in his friends’ faces. Minho’s accomplishments are theirs too. Now that he has Felix he understands it better, feels his heart swell whenever Felix gushes to him about practice or an upcoming performance or reminisces about the few tours he’s been on as a back-up dancer. He doesn’t have as much experience as Minho, he’s younger and hasn’t been in the business as long, but he has the same fiery passion Chris has always seen in Minho. Chris can’t wait to finally see Felix in action.

Felix’s back is to him as he walks through the door but Minho sees him, smirking as he catches his eye. Felix’s head whips around, platinum flicking around his face, his whole face lighting up when he sees Chris. Suddenly Chris’s arms are full and his boyfriend (boyfriend! Chris will never get tired of that) is planting kisses all over his face. In his peripheral he can see Minho still smirking. He might be filming them if the way he’s holding his phone is anything to go by. Fucker.

“Hi,” his attention is stolen back by a whisper against his lips. He pecks Felix’s lips once, twice, three times until he’s giggling.

“Hey babe,” he says back, ignoring Minho’s fake gagging. He can’t say shit anyways, Chris has spent years fourth-wheeling the throuple and never once complained about their excessive PDA. Well, okay, maybe he’s complained once or twice… or a lot… but never to their faces! Just to Jisung.

“C’mon bitches,” Minho says, setting up the music, “it’s show time.”

Chris detaches from Felix with a laugh and goes to sit on the couch against one of the studio walls. Felix and Minho start the music and get into their starting poses.

Then they start dancing and fuck, holy shit, Chris couldn’t have taken his eyes off Felix if he wanted to. The passion and precision in his movements rivals Minho’s but something in the way he moves is different, uniquely him. Mesmerising. That’s the only word Chris can think in his astonished state. The dancers move fluidly through their duet and into Minho’s solo before it’s Felix’s turn. Chris is stunned by his boyfriend’s skill, his control over his body and movements and his powerful presence. Dark eyes meet his and a particularly sensual roll of the hips has Chris’s whole body heating up. Felix’s eyes don’t leave his.

All too quickly it’s over. They both hold their ending pose for a long moment before Minho collapses dramatically to the floor, groaning and stretching out like an oversized cat. Felix makes his way to Chris, snagging his water bottle on the way. When he reaches Chris he collapses half in his lap and half next to him on the couch cushions.

“What did you think?” he says, chewing his bottom lip. Even through his panting Chris can hear that he’s nervous, a thrum of contentment runs through him at the thought that his opinion means that much to Felix. Gently he pulls Felix’s bottom lip out of the cage of his teeth with his thumb.

“You’re amazing,” he says, breathless, awestruck even to his own ears.

Felix’s tired smile is so blinding it glows under the bright studio lights. Too tired to move just yet Felix’s small fingers wrap around Chris’s wrist, tugging it up to press a gentle kiss to his palm before linking their fingers.

‘Amazing’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.

*

 “-And then he projectile vomited over the whole bar, even hit the fucking pool table.”

Chris watches Changbin punch Jisung’s shoulder, embarrassed, the rest of them laughing their asses off.

Jisung had invited Chris and Changbin to the mall and of course Changbin’s boyfriends had decided to tag along and by some miracle they had bumped into Felix and his friend Seungmin, who Chris remembers as Felix’s ex-college roommate. Seungmin has met Jisung and Woojin a few times already (Jisung has been calling him “Felix’s cute friend who hates Changbin” much to Chris’s amusement) and he’s known Changbin since his last year of college. Chris has spent the past half hour watching, with more than a little amusement, Jisung and Seungmin bonding through teasing Changbin.

 “I think,” Felix whispers in his ear, “this is their way of flirting.” Chris cackles, wraps an arm around Felix and kisses his cheek.

“Remember when he went on that ‘orange food only’ diet?” Chris says and Jisung’s eyes light up and he launches into another embarrassing anecdote about Changbin’s protests in favour of watching Seungmin laugh.

It’s sweet really, Chris would make fun of him for making googly eyes like this but Chris knows he’s even worse. He chooses this moment to look at Felix only to find him already looking at him. Big brown eyes blink up at him slowly and Chris can’t help kissing his boyfriend’s nose, that dazzling smile he loves so much lighting Felix’s face and warming Chris’s heart. Not for the first time Chris feels a pang of insecurity deep inside him, he’s so in love with Felix. His smile, his humour and his laugh, the crate of origami cranes under his desk, the way that he can be so smart but so silly at the same time… Chris is more than a little scared that although he has fallen so quickly and so deeply, his feelings may not be returned. He knows Felix likes him, but he can’t help the unsettling worry that it’s not nearly to the same degree that he likes Felix. How could he when Felix is everything he’s ever wanted? He feels inadequate in almost every way compared to him to the point the fear gnaws at his insides.

“ _Sometimes I wonder why I love you, fool._ ” Minho says in Korean, breaking his train of thought. Minho pats Changbin’s shoulder and giggles when Changbin whines, slapping his hand away. Noticing Felix’s confusion, Chris immediately translates for him and he quickly joins in with their laughter.

Woojin tuts. “You younger generations never bother to learn the language,” he says around a mouthful of chicken and Chris meets Minho’s eyes right before he rolls them. They’ve all heard Woojin’s rants about the young Korean immigrants of today becoming too westernised. He’s usually half joking but it’s stunning how much he reminds Chris of his grandmother when he goes off like this. Woojin takes another bite of his chicken, speaking as he chews, “losing the culture-”

“Calm the fuck down, old man. You’re from Tampa.” Jisung interrupts, sucking loudly through his straw as they all erupt into another fit of laughter loud enough to attract some stares from the other patrons in the food court.

Felix leans in close to Chris.

“Hey,” he whispers, “wanna ditch these losers?”

Chris pushes his worries about ‘them’ back down for now and takes Felix’s hand, lets himself be led away.

*

“What the fuck!” Felix shouts as the car starts swinging and Chris starts laughing so loud he wonders if the people on the ground can hear him. Felix’s hand grabs his tightly and he squeezes back. They’re on the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island. It had been Seungmin’s idea of a double date as in all the years they’ve lived there Felix and Seungmin have never been and Seungmin really wanted to try the rides. Chris already knew that Jisung hated rollercoasters (“So does Seungmin know you’re a massive pussy?” “Shut the fuck up Chris…and no. Not yet.”) but today he learned that Felix is equally cowardly. In fact he might even rival Jisung’s cowardice. Seungmin had revealed to Chris that Felix is even afraid of the dark.

“Babe,” he manages to wheeze out in between giggles, “it’s okay!”

“I’m such a pussy,” Felix wails between screams as the car continues to swing. Chris is doubled over with laughter, his hand starting to sting from being used like some human stress toy by his boyfriend. By the time the wheel starts making its second round Felix’s voice is hoarse and Chris’s laughter trails off into something much softer. He turns Felix’s face towards him and kisses him. It’s a pretty good distraction and Felix barely notices when the ride comes to a stop, nevertheless immediately tumbling out of the car towards an equally shaken Jisung and a gleeful Seungmin.

Convincing Jisung and Felix to go on more rides after that is no easy task but somehow he and Seungmin manage. (He promises Felix he’ll hold his hand the whole time and win him a plushie at one of the game stalls. He’s pretty sure he hears Seungmin promising Jisung something a lot less innocent if he tries more rides but Chris would rather not think about his best friend’s sex life thank you very much.) Despite his initial fears and the ear piercing screaming Felix does on most of the rides. By the time they’ve ridden the Wild River Felix is giddy and giggly, swinging their hands while they walk.

“Minnie I’m not going on that.”

“C’mon Jisung, don’t be such a baby.” Seungmin pouts and Chris laughs. “I won’t make you go on any other rides if you go on this one.”

Getting their fainthearted companions onto the Cyclone and Soaring Eagle had been one thing but at the prospect of the Zenobio they steadfastly refuse. Chris has already accepted that Felix isn’t going to budge and he can’t really blame him. He thinks someone might’ve actually died on one of these rides but he’s definitely not going to bring that up now even though it seems that Seungmin’s out of bargaining chips effective enough to get Jisung on either of these rides.

“Why don’t we split up for a while? Seungmin and I can go on some more rides and you guys can walk around some more.” Chris suggests and Jisung agrees enthusiastically. Felix whispers a thank you and pecks his cheek before Jisung drags him away in search of something entertaining that will allow him to keep his feet firmly on the ground.

“Let’s go!” Seungmin says after they’re out of sight, and drags Chris in the direction of Zenobio and as the afternoon sun beats down on them, Chris thinks his life might be as close to perfect as it can get.

 

Once Chris and Seungmin have finally had their fill of adrenaline for the day, they text their dates to meet them again and together, the four of them search out some food.

Chris practically moans around the hot dog in his mouth, ignoring the little Changbin on his shoulder telling him how unhealthy it is. Unable to stop the happy little wiggle he does when he gets food, a response he wishes wasn’t automatic to him now, he hears Jisung’s snort and glances up to find Felix watching him fondly, teasing smile on his face.

“Fuck off,” he says mid-chew and the others laugh and start shovelling their own greasy food into their mouths.

“Should send Bin a pic of all this, he’d have an aneurysm,” Jisung says, pulling out his phone.

“Has he always been this, uh… health conscious?” Felix asks, giggling when he receives a unanimous ‘yes.’

“That’s one way of putting it,” Jisung grumbles.

“Jisung’s just mad about the time Changbin threw out his cheesecake, ‘cause it was too unhealthy to be in his fridge” Chris says.

“It was a whole cheesecake, Chris. I never even got a bite of it!” Jisung wails.

“It was five years ago. Let it go!”

“That bakery closed down-“

“There’s other cheesecake out there,” Felix helpfully supplies.

“Not like her there’s not,” Jisung says wistfully as he deflates, leaning into the soothing hand Seungmin lays on his shoulder.

“So,” Felix starts. Chris is wary of the mischievous glint in his eyes. “What was Chris like when you first met him?”

Jisung’s head shoots back up as glee fills his body at the prospect of embarrassing Chris.

“Jisung, think carefully about your next words if you want to liv-“

“I’m glad you asked.” Jisung claps his hands together. “First of all, he wore the same thing every day like a fucking cartoon character.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! Wore all black all the time and one of those, uh, shit what are they called? Snapbacks! He always wore a snapback over his eyes; he was actually kinda scary looking.”

“Chris? Scary? My Chris?”

Pushing down the bubbling affection he feels at Felix calling him his so casually, Chris pipes up. “Hey! I can be scary!”

“Sure you can, love.” Felix says, quickly pecking his pouting lips and patting his cheek.

“He was only scary before I got to know him; he was actually kind of a weeb.”

“Jisung, I swear to-“

“You’re right. My bad,” Jisung holds up his hands in mock surrender. “He’s still a weeb.”

Felix and Seungmin’s laughter erupts around them as Chris chases Jisung around the table to pull him into a headlock.

 

As afternoon fades into evening they decide to explore the games and when Felix spots a giant Pikachu plush he fake cries until Chris agrees to win it for him. With a lot of effort and most of the change in his pocket he manages to win it. Felix’s eyes light up as he clutches the oversized plush tightly, babbling his thanks to Chris before deciding he absolutely has to win Chris something too. To his surprise Felix ends up winning him an odd crescent moon plush that’s actually really kind of ugly but Felix won it for him so he’ll be damned if it’s not his new favourite thing.

“Sorry I couldn’t win you something better,” Felix says sheepishly and Chris just laughs and shakes his head.

“Shut up, I love it.” Chris says. They make their way over to another stall where Seungmin is holding a Squirtle plush and Jisung is pouting.

“‘S not my fault I’m not coordinated.” Jisung whines.

“It’s okay, babe, we can just pretend you won it for me.” Seungmin says with a laugh, taking pity on him.

Chris laughs to himself and feels the hand in his give a gentle squeeze. He squeezes back harder.

*

Chris startles slightly when arms wrap around his waist from behind and he feels a soft kiss dropped on his shoulder.

“Hey,” he says, stirring the pasta. It’s nothing fancy but Felix had whined about wanting it all day and Chris can only take so much pouting.

“I’m hungry,” Felix whines, biting Chris’s shoulder when all he gets in response is a laugh. They’re silent for a while before Felix’s hands start to wander. They’re completely innocent at first before one hand slides up to Chris’s chest and the other ventures down to cup Chris’s cock through his sweatpants.

“Hands off the goods,” Chris says through a laugh, smacking Felix’s hands away.

“But you have such a nice body.”

Chris lets out a scandalised gasp. “You only like me for my body, don’t you?” he says through dramatic fake sobs and Felix cackles, roughly turning Chris around in his arms and kissing him full on the lips. Chris fumbles for the knob behind him and turns the stove off. Persistent hands find their way into his back pockets and he moans involuntarily when they squeeze.

“Thought you were hungry,” Chris pants against Felix’s greedy lips.

“I’m starving,” Felix says, deep voice almost a growl and Chris shivers, tangles his hands in Felix’s hair and lets himself be devoured.

 

Later in bed, Chris moans sharply, thighs pressing together around Felix’s head as his boyfriend tongue fucks him. Realising he’s probably suffocating Felix he unclamps his thighs, panting out a weak ‘sorry.’ The feeling of Felix’s talented tongue and fingers inside him are too much and not enough, too full and not full enough and soon he’s begging. “Fuck me, fuck me, ‘Lix please.”

They’re sweating by the time Felix is inside him, pinning him down by their joined hands and growling sweet, filthy words in his ear. When Felix hits that spot inside him that makes him see stars Chris almost cries out an ‘I love you’ but he pulls Felix down into a messy kiss before the words can set themselves free.

 

Later, when they’re freshly showered and snuggled together on the couch watching some superhero movie that’s surprisingly emotional (they’d both cried) Chris’s mind begins to wander again. What does Felix see in him? He’s probably way too clingy and inexperienced for someone pushing thirty. Their relationship feels almost too good to be true and Chris is scared of losing it. In his head he can hear Minho’s voice (or maybe it’s Woojin’s; they sort of blend into one) telling him to just talk to Felix about it but the idea of being that vulnerable and open to potential rejection terrifies him. Still emotional from the movie he sniffles and shifts a little, trying to get comfortable with the slight soreness in his ass.

“You okay, love?” Felix brushes the hair off his forehead and places a light kiss there.

“Yeah,” Chris says, tilting up to press a kiss to Felix’s chin, “I’m okay.”

*

Spending too much time inside your own head is dangerous, Chris knows this better than anyone and yet here he is. In the past few days since he’s seen Felix he’s overthought every single detail of their relationship, picking over every date and every moment together with the overcritical eye of a man obsessed with his insecurities. This has led to a drop in their text communication, mostly on Chris’s end, his personal effort to not be too clingy. Where before he would double, triple, even quadruple text his boyfriend he now sends back short, singular messages. He feels like an asshole giving Felix such clipped responses but it’s an easier alternative to picking apart every message he sends him to see if he’s being overbearing or boring, like he had before their first date.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Is the first thing Felix says when he walks into Chris’s apartment and Chris laughs sheepishly. He feels guilty about having practically ignored Felix all week and now that he’s here with him, his second guessing is pushed to the back of his mind.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I‘ve been busy.” Felix just smiles sweetly and kisses Chris’s cheek.

 

“Oh!” Chris says a few hours later, he’s at the sink getting some water when he remembers what he needed to tell Felix.

“You alright, love?”

“Yeah, I just forgot to tell you I’m going to Australia in about a month. I’m gonna be gone for couple weeks.” He turns away from the sink and he catches a glimpse of Felix, brows furrowed and lips pouting, before his expression slips back into something more neutral.

“Oh. Okay.” Felix isn’t looking at him anymore, choosing to stare at his fidgeting fingers instead, and unease settles in the pit of Chris’s stomach.

Felix stays for a few more hours, sitting on the opposite end of the couch the whole time, shifting away whenever Chris tries to move closer and the unease inside him builds. It’s getting late and he’s about to offer to let Felix stay the night or to drive him home when Felix stands up abruptly, saying it’s time for him to leave.

“Get home safe, babe,” Chris says as he holds the door open for Felix.

“Yeah, I will.” Felix doesn’t kiss him like he normally does, not even a peck on the cheek, just walks down the hall to the elevator without looking back and Chris is left with the unsettling feeling that he’s done something very, very wrong. He just can’t quite pinpoint what.

 

That night, Chris doesn’t sleep.

*

Chris hasn’t spoken to Felix since he walked out of his apartment two weeks ago and he’s panicking. Without the miracle mattress, he’s been sleeping worse in these two weeks than he ever has. Even when he was trying to make it as a musician and had to sleep half starving and completely freezing, he slept better than this. It’s completely his own fault too, letting his insecurities lead him to ruin the best thing he’s ever had, potentially irreparably. He’s starting to drive himself mad, barely going to Royal Rest or leaving his apartment at all (when he does all he can think about is Felix anyway and he’d rather wallow in self-pity by himself) until Changbin drags him out of his hovel and to the grocery store with him.

They’re in Whole Foods, because Changbin is a health freak and a dick and flat out refuses to shop anywhere else, when Changbin gets Chris to spill his guts about why he’s been missing in action for two weeks and none of them have heard from Felix in just as long.

“I don’t think I’m the one you should be saying this to.” Changbin says after he’s is finished letting out the worries he’s agonised over his whole relationship. Changbin puts a few protein bars in the cart before rolling it into the next aisle.

“I know,” Chris sighs.

“Okay,” Changbin dumps too many cartons of almond milk and an equally gratuitous amount of overpriced vitamin drinks into the cart, “so why are you telling me all this and not Felix?” Chris bites back the urge to say ‘you asked.’

“Because I’m afraid.” he sounds pathetic even to himself.

“Of what?”

“I’m not even sure anymore... God I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, you are.” Changbin laughs at the glare Chris throws him. “Just talk to him, man. Open communication in relationships is the most important thing and all that shit, y’know... You probably should’ve talked to Minho about this.”

“No,” Chris laughs too, he feels better already, “this definitely helped. I’ll talk to him soon.”

Soon, but not today. Chris is still a coward after all.

 

It turns out Chris doesn’t have to call Felix because later that day his boyfriend (God, he hopes he can still call him that) is knocking on his door so hard Chris worries he might hurt himself. The second he opens the door Felix pushes past him and into his apartment and turns to face him. He’s pissed off.

“What the fuck, Chris?”

“Felix, I-“

“No, Chris, seriously what the fuck,” one of his hands is pulling his own hair and Chris wants to pull the hand away before he hurts himself, “you, you promise me that next time you go back home we’ll go together and then,” he’s breathing heavily as he talks, anger fading to distress and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. If Chris weren’t afraid it’d make things worse he’d reach out and hug him right now. “You start getting all fucking distant and then you tell me you’re going back without me and, and maybe it’s my fault and you didn’t even mean it and you were just saying it to say it but, but then you don’t even talk to me for two fucking weeks and...” Felix finally stops pulling at his hair, his eyes flick up to Chris’s and the tears finally start to spill over. “Do you not want me anymore?”

“Felix, baby, no” Chris says, his voice breaking, the sight of Felix crying makes him tear up too, “of course I still want you.”

“Then why, why...” Felix’s voice trails off, breaking into sobs and this time Chris pulls him into his arms and holds him tightly, afraid to let go. Once Felix has stopped shaking in his arms and his tears are dried, Chris leads them over to his couch. They’re silent for a few moments, and it’s not awkward exactly but there’s still tension in the air.

“I was afraid that you didn’t lo-like me as much as I like you.” Chris says and takes a deep breath before pushing past the awkwardness, he knows he has to say this, “I was worried that maybe I was coming on too strong or, or moving too fast and y’know I haven’t had much experience and I’m older than you and I... you’re so important to me, Felix, I care about you so much and I’ve never felt like this about someone... and I did mean it when I said I wanted to take you home with me. I was just scared... I was scared and insecure and I let that get in my head and know it’s not an excuse but I’m sorry...” he doesn’t look up, can’t because he’s still scared, terrified that he might’ve really fucked this up.

“Chris,” Felix’s voice is gentle, like someone approaching a frightened animal, “I don’t... I’ve never... had a problem with your age or whether you’re experienced. I was actually worried I was too clingy for you,” they both laugh at that and some of the tension is broken, “why didn’t you just tell me?“

“I was scared,” Chris says, laughing at himself, “I feel dumb saying it now but it’s true.” He reaches out and holds Felix’s hand, squeezing gently. “Are we... are we okay?”

“Yeah,” Felix says, squeezing back tightly, “we’re okay.” He leans in and pecks Chris gently on the cheek, then the lips. It’s the first time in weeks that Chris has kissed him and it sinks in deep how much he’s missed his boyfriend.

It seems the feeling is mutual because Felix is quickly straddling his lap, his free hand gripping Chris’s hair and tilting his face up to deepen their kiss.

“Missed you,” he says right into Felix’s mouth, “missed you so much.”

Felix moans, tongue exploring Chris’s mouth sloppily as he rocks their hips together. Chris almost chokes when Felix grabs his steadily hardening cock through his pants.

“Need you. Now.”

With that Chris lifts Felix up and carries him to his bedroom (they stumble a little, giggling and kissing the whole way but Chris manages to not drop him or fall down,) dropping him gracelessly onto the bed. They immediately undress, rapid fingers skimming buttons and ripping off shirts, throwing their clothes haphazardly across the room. The moment they’re both naked Chris pushes Felix back onto the sheets and devours him, desperately kissing and sucking at every inch of skin he can reach.

“Chris, baby, c’mon,” Felix tugs him up by the hair, “I need you so bad.”

Chris leans up and grabs the lube from his bedside table. As he’s coming back his chain hits Felix in the face and Felix splutters.

“Oh shit! Sorry,” Chris says. Their eyes meet and for a moment they’re totally silent before they both burst out laughing. Chris hides his face in Felix’s neck and his boyfriend’s arms wrap around him as they shake with laughter.

“I, fuck, I love you so much,” Felix says through giggles and their laughter dies down.

“I love you too,” Chris pulls away from Felix’s neck to look into his eyes. “I love you.” He repeats, softer this time. Felix’s bright smile stretches wide and God, Chris has missed his smile so much it makes his heart ache.

“Make love to me,” Felix says, soft and teasing and Chris leans down for another kiss, slower this time.

Chris fingers him open slowly, carefully, revelling in the soft little noises Felix makes, the way he goes pliant and relaxes, sinking into the sheets. Lightly, he skims his free hand over Felix’s flat stomach, his soft hips, and grins when Felix giggles, “that tickles.”

“Sorry, baby.”

“Nah, feels good,” Felix’s eyes are closed and his face is serene. Chris moves to hover over him and kisses all over his face: his eyelids, his cheeks, his forehead and chin before finally settling on his smiling lips.

Only when Felix is whining ‘more’ into his mouth and rutting his hips against the three fingers Chris is using to stretch him does Chris finally roll on a condom, spread some more lube onto his cock and push into Felix. He wipes his dirty hand on one of their nearby shirts before throwing it carelessly behind him; planting his hands on either side of Felix’s head he finally turns his attention to his face. Felix smiles at him, all white teeth and crinkling eyes and Chris starts thrusting slow, but hitting deep.

Their eyes stay locked and Chris thinks the way Felix’s eyebrows draw together and his mouth hangs open as he pants and moans is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen; he feels a desperate, clawing need to be as close to Felix as physically possible (as if being literally inside him wasn’t close enough) and he snakes one arm underneath him, pulling him flush to his chest.

Felix squeals, wrapping his arms and legs tightly around Chris. “You’re so strong,” he giggles out, his voice breathless and dreamy.

The only sounds in the room are their breathy laughs and moans, the soft clicking of their lips meeting and parting again, and the slow rhythmic sound of skin hitting skin as Chris rolls his hips into Felix. It’s the most intimately connected Chris has ever felt to another person, not just physically but every part of him in this moment feels entwined with Felix. It’s overwhelming, filling his senses and making it impossible to even think about anything other than him. Blinking back tears, Chris tightens his grip around Felix’s torso. He whispers ‘I love you’ into his neck over and over, not stopping even when Felix repeats them back to him, voice equally watery. 

“Feel good?” Chris pants out, lowering Felix slightly so he can look at his face.

“Yeah it feels- fuck- feels amazing.” Felix’s voice is higher than normal, cracking when Chris shifts just enough so that his subtly curved cock is rubbing over Felix’s prostate. He’s not sure what he likes better: the way Felix moans his name when Chris’s cock strokes that spot inside him, the way Felix’s fingertips dig into his back and his sharp inhale when Chris starts thrusting in harder, but not faster, or the way Felix smiles when Chris kisses his nose, whole face scrunching up. He thinks it’s probably the last one, but the other two are close seconds.

Neither of them makes any attempt to speed things up, more focused on keeping each other as close as possible. They know now that they have all the time in the world.

 

Morning light is pouring through Chris’s open curtains, when he wakes up, illuminating Felix’s face. Carefully, he cups Felix’s cheek and runs his thumb over his freckles. As he lays there gradually waking up Chris comes to a realisation: the mattress wasn’t his miracle insomnia cure, Felix was.

Chris would laugh at how cliché it is but it’s true. He’s never slept well in his own bed unless Felix was there. He’s never slept well anywhere unless Felix was there. Smiling to himself, Chris untangles himself from the sheets and Felix’s arms. He’s careful not to wake Felix- his boyfriend is many wonderful things but a morning person is not one of them- and makes his way to the bathroom, then the kitchen.

He’s making coffee. He doesn’t drink coffee, but Felix does, so he’d invested in a coffee machine a few months ago. He’d also taken latte art classes just to do it for Felix but he’s yet to actually show him. Felix shuffles out of his bedroom wearing only his boxers and Chris’s hoodie, probably attracted by the smell. Chris turns away from the coffee machine and opens his arms, laughing when Felix immediately collapses him.

“Morning babe,” Chris says. His voice is still croaky with sleep.

“G’morning,” Felix yawns into his neck. They stay like that for a while, slumped against each other, until Felix’s coffee is done.

When they’re snuggled up on the couch with the television volume low, Chris finally asks the question he now has the guts to ask.

“Do you,” his voice is barely a whisper but it cracks anyway, taking a deep breath he starts again. “Do you want to come to Sydney with me?”

Felix sits up, squirming around in his arms to face him, “You really want me to?” Chris nods enthusiastically. “Then, yeah, I’d love to.” Felix’s smile is blinding and Chris’s chest aches. It’s a sweet ache and it means he can look at Felix’s smile every morning. It’s more than worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this! If you liked it comments/kudos are greatly appreciated <3


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